my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
