I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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