I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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