I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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