Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
