guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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