You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
