Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
