you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
