We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize