last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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