im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
