haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
