Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
