What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
