I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
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