he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
