Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
