dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we made out on top of his cat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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