Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
