you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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