i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
