We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just google imaged poop.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
