Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
