we made out on top of his cat.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
