I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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