You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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