it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
