ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
