Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
