I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
