so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I deserve this hangover.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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