I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize