3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
