A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
