i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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