whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
