Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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