I'm gonna have a badass scar
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
