i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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