So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
