Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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