I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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