This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize