now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you had me at cake vodka
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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