Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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