What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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