Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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