she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
