Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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