I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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