Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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