I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
