all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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