I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
