this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
