New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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