You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
