Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
