Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
