there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
