problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
