I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
