She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
